Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
