sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
