you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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