I think I am morally bankrupt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
