Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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