dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
