The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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