Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
