I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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