Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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