she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
