so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
