listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize