i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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