Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
