HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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