once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
