Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize