I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
