So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
