i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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