i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just high enough for therapy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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