I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
