saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
