so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've blown a few things in my day
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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