I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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