I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
