dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
