Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
