Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
