When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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