this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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