Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
COCAINE IS GR8
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
