The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
