dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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