Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
