Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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