he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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