do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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