found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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