he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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