I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize