ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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