I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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