the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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