I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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