Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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