She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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