Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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