handjob tips. give me some.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
not ubering you a puppy
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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