It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
