Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
