Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
