this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
