I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
