Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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