is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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