Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize