he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
