i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
