So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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