we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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