I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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