I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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