Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
