I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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