I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
