They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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