I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
