u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
