the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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