Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize