D3 body, D1 cock
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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