AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and she was petting her beer can
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
