Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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