the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
