My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
